You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
home. puking in laundry basket.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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