Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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