I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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