she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
