Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
