I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
