Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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