I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
