hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
