Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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