I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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