it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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