I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
