Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
