im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
