Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize