I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
tell me about the fingering
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