my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
