She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
