his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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