I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
