You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
