I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
