The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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