she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
