also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
