I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
