You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So vagazzling was a success
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
