I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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