I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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