So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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