my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
