last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
