I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
