She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
