At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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