lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
