If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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