Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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