It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My cat gives me a boner
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
