She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My pussy is not your playground.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
