Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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