just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
