No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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