we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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