Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
