Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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