I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
