Me too!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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