the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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