So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
