Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
