I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
