i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
