it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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