I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize