there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
