the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize