hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
