She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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