My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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