Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
