i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
