I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
