Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
