garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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