Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
