ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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