You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
