Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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